Time, were flowing into this thing unprepared.

I started this little story sometime in january, shortly after I got my iPhone and I think it speaks loads of what I was going through at the time. Truth be told, I was writing this thing when I was deathly ill and I never even gave it two thoughts about what it was about. I came back to it here the other day, when things had changed in my life and I decided to add to it. Hope you all like it and like I said it was written in delirium so there are quite a few fragments in there, hope it's not too hard to understand.


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Theme: Self Discovery
The world is falling before my eyes:

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The world is falling before my eyes. Countless beads of light fill the sky as I turn end over end in a continuous freefall that I don't remember beginning. The daylight is gone, replaced now with a quasi grey limelight. My life seems useless as I fall, no purpose, no reasoning, only falling as I stare into the ever changing lights.

I see faces within the lights, people who are once my family, so close, so familiar and yet they are strangers to me. I know their faces and names but I know nothing else about them. Their dreams, their hopes, everything about who they are or what they dream of becoming are a mystery to me.
I fall and watch as they turn on me, their eyes accusing and filled with hatred and spite. I am nothing in their eyes. A lump of waste.

Something forms beneath me, or I think it's beneath me; I have no sense of direction in this place. A wall stretches out before me, cloaked in spikes and flesh of the living, a true sight of gore. Pieces of flesh stretched taunt over spikes so that all the veins can be seen and examined. It is an ugly thing, born of sin and lust, corruption and greed. I am disgusted by it and at the same time attracted to it. I am a sick man.

I land on the wall, but suddenly things shift and form and the wall with its horrish pikes is gone, replaced with a scene of grass and hills and a golden sun of beauty. I look around, looking for the lights but they are gone. Nowhere in this scenic landscape to be found. I am free from the torment of my fall, free of the loneliness, free of the cold grip of the lights. I am happy.

The feeling is short lived; I am pulled from my wonderment, strings pulled by some unseen force. I am surrounded by the lights again; their faces mock me as they shift and change, laughing at me all the time. My brain screams at me sending tendrils of pain down my body. I cry out to the sky, hoping someone would save me from this pain, yet no one comes. I am alone with the laughing faces.

They mock me, torment me. Make me feel like the fool, the jester, the man in motley.

I break past them, moving into a new light. Its calm here, peaceful. The world is easy, slow. I can breathe. My outlook changes, I can no longer see the spooks and specters of the past. I am at ease. I feel warm, like I belong here and yet I know I don’t, I am meant to go on to bigger, better things. Things that are going to change the world or at least the small part of it that I occupy, I know this but I don’t know why. I feel trapped and yet I am content with it, things are different and I am ok with it. My soul has changed over these past months, I am a better man, the lights have stripped away the angst and rebel that was hiding beneath the surface and I am ready to face up to what I need to do. I thank them for that.

There is a light in the future; she is a goddess, beautiful, funny, and amazing. We talk so easily, it's like we have known each other for ages. I am optimistic for the future. I am hopefully, things have just begun again and I am not sure what will come of it but I have a good feeling. One step at a time and one word at a time. I will find my way to my true happiness, one day I will find my true goddess.